Dear Troy,
Its 4:41 AM and I cant sleep, man. I miss you. I always sit back and think of how things would be if you were still here. Janee' and I were just talking about how crazy it is that you're gone and how much of a true big brother you were to the both of us.
If you were here I know I'd have some type of old school car that you and I would fix up until it was ready to drive. So many things would be different, man, but I never question God for the obstacles he places in my life.
I know for a fact that you're looking down on me, every good or bad decision, I know you are right there with me. I promise you I'll be great, I will be successful, I will make a change.
Kalla still treats me like I'm really her lil brother even though she's my sister through marriage. Dejuan is a hard working dude, you rubbed off a lot on him, we talk about you a lot as well. Tyshon is scaring me a little, maybe because I see myself in him. I look at him and I see the both of us, man, its crazy man. I talked to Yanni and Noel today, its always fun to talk to them, they make me feel so old. I promise you I will protect them no matter what. I really need you to help me out, they're about to be in high school , man can you believe that!? Calvin is a great man, he's looking out for Kalla and the kids, I really have a lot of respect for him. Then there's my man Boobie, man you'd love this little dude!
You taught me the importance of being a family man and I thank you for that. I cherish time with my family because you never know when it'll be your last. I remember our last time together. You sent me to the kitchen to get you a fruit cup out of the refrigerator and of course I didn't look hard enough and didn't find it. I was playing that ninja game on the PS2 we all were addicted to, I couldn't focus! You got right up, went into the refrigerator and found it and just looked at me with that look and said "yung, it was right there." I felt so bad because I knew you were sick, who would've thought that was my last chance to do something for you.
I remember one year for my birthday you threw me a party at your house because you were too sick to come out and celebrate with me. I walked in the apartment and saw a cake with balloons and I tried hard not to look and smile. All you did was laugh and tell me "Happy Birthday, lil bruh." I never said thank you. Thank you, big bruh.
These lyrics from one of your songs always hit me every time I hear them:
"I can't send my kids outside to play, cause outside they spray, and they don't care which way."
Tyshon, Dejuan, and I used to always want to go outside and play and you always gave us a lecture on how to run when need be. I could see in your face how nervous you were to let us out but you knew that was the only way we'd learn certain things.
Do you remember when you dropped me off at home one day and you told me to come to your window, you looked at me dead in the eye and said, "I love you, yung. I'm foreal, I love you." I looked at you weird because I was young and I thought showing love to another man was a weakness, you showed me that it wasn't.
To this day my mother talks to me about a card you gave me for one of my birthdays, she said you wrote the most beautiful message she's ever read, I remember the card saying something about how everything was going to be ok and how you wanted the family to grow stronger. You live through me, so that dream will last forever.